Life is This...

2012 - Peace

PSA:  This is a looong post.  It is written mostly for me.  A sort of refresh.  A reminder of the past year and what it has taught me and what I hope 2012 will bring me and my family.  I want it recorded for memory keeping purposes.  I completely understand if you skip over it and go and look at all of the pretty scrapbook projects out there! Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a safe and happy evening ringing in the New Year.

 

I know it has been said a million times before - but where did this year go?  It honestly feels like yesterday that I sat down to start my Project Life for 2011, researching plans for our annual vacation, and feeling the excitement and possibility of what the year ahead will bring.

Fast forward 365 days and I sit here today with many of the same goals, although I feel a bit more realistic in the implementation of a few of them. 2011 brought much turmoil, sadness, and a great loss to our lives.  I feel like time and time again I felt like I had everything under control and then something else came along that I totally had no control of.  On the scrapbooking front it was certainly not a very good year.  I spent most of the year admiring blogs and projects from afar, dreaming of the "good ole" days when I had creative time. Call me an optimist, but I do believe that my time will return.  With two teenagers who are pretty much independent now, carving out a few minutes a day should not be a problem.  Perhaps more of a problem this year was the "want" to carve out creative time. My creative mood never seemed to match my creative spare time.

I will look back on 2011 as a year that was filled with so much. Our backyard renovation, starting on my track to fitness and health, the strengthening of friendship bonds and the drifting apart of other friendships. Our vacation to Blue Mountain and New York City were the travel highlights but of course everything gas been shadowed by the dark cloud of losing my father in law to a terrible disease and the ever mounting worry of my moms health and the responsibility that brings.  I hope that one day the sadness will not be as heavy as it feels as I write this.  In my wildest dreams I would have never have guessed that 2011 would have given us what it did. On reflection perhaps it is why I enter 2012 with trepidation as I have learned this year that the best laid plans go awry and ultimately we have no control over tomorrow.

Over the last few weeks (or even months) I have been thinking about a word that I want for 2012.  With my 2011 word being "Achieve" I feel like I did make progress in some areas I wanted.  I "achieved" my goal of getting healthy - but let me add here - I didn't KEEP the health.  The last few months have been so chaotic if I have 10 minutes to stop at the drive through for dinner I felt thankful.  More and more pounds have found there way back to me and although I'm not OK with it, I have accepted that I can only handle so much. My journey of wellness doing boot camp 3 days a week seems like a far away life now.. I'll discuss more on that later.  I did "achieve" some organizing I wanted to complete.  More along the lines of my mindset has changed for what really needs organizing and what is important.  My 422 bottles of mists do not need to be colour co - ordinated by height in my scraproom, but a file folder of important papers, insurance and contacts do, in case something were to happen.  Nothing good ever comes from losing someone so important in your life, but I certainly can admit to reevaluating some things in my life, and for that I am thankful. Looking back on my OLW for 2011 I can say it wasn't a total failure but it also wasn't the impact that I wanted it to have on my life.

And now with less than 8 hours to go until 2011 finds its way into our past I feel excited, nervous, optimistic and more than anything hopeful.  With 2011 bringing a skyrocketing pace of life, I am optimistic for a slower pace but not expectant one anytime soon.  I have learned in 2011 that you can not control everything that life brings you, but you can control how you handle and react to life.... and that brings me to my 2012 word...

 

It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise trouble or hard work,

It means to be in the midst of those things
and still be CALM IN YOUR HEART. 

 

PEACE |pēs| noun1

• freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility • mental calm; serenity
• Peace is not something you wish for. It is something you make. Something you do, something you are and something you give away.
• Peace comes from within, do not seek it without.  
• Set peace of mind as your highest goal and organise your life around it. 

 

Many of you I am sure have chosen this word for this year or in years past and I have never really understood it like I have recently.  Perhaps I mistook Peace to mean boring, or quiet, but I think it isn't until we really want something that the true meaning comes to light. I want to feel calm again, to be happy with everyday.  To rid myself of the panic that everything has to be perfect, the house has to be "drop in" clean and I must be doing something creative every single spare moment I have.  To be patient with my health and to learn that it is a slow process and that getting my health back is the biggest single thing I can give myself towards a more peaceful life with less worrying and less stress. Life throws us curve balls, but it is indeed no need to put the rest of your life on hold until the problem goes away... cause well when its gone another one pops up to replace it. I need lazy days on the couch to rejuvenate, but not too many that I become a couch potato.  I need to rekindle my love of reading, and to revisit my creative side many more times a week - not necessarily scrapbooking but branching out to other areas as well.  I need to tie up all of the loose end and all of the unfinished projects.  I need to document more instead of trying to keep everything there is on my to do list and my wish list all in my head only to be forgotten a few days later (which has the opposite effect of peace).  Perhaps mediation is something I should investigate further or Yoga to embrace my spirituality on my mission to bring more peace.

I have no grand illusions that much will change in our environment this year, but I certainly have the highest of hopes that whatever comes my way - it will bring peace and joy to us all.

Happy New Year to you all... and may you all find peace in 2012.

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time... in a far away land lived a girl who used to scrapbook.... and blog.... and be active in all parts of her life.  Then the dreaded bad man came along in his black cape and stole all of her iron and B12... and cast a spell on the girl - which made her very very sleepy and very very stressed... and very very sick.

She did still scrapbook... when she could... but then when life seemed to be getting better... more sadness came into her life with her mom back in the hospital and caregiving being put on her lap once again... which made her very very tired.... and once again very very stressed.

But Prince Charming came in and rescued her... saved her from the bad man... and although her spell is still wearing off... she finally has some energy to clean her castle and decorate it for the holidays, and shop for Christmas... and gasp..... scrapbook.

... Of course her December Daily was helping her become inspired.

... And her projects for SEI have yet to be shared... 

....And her Cameo (Prince Charmings side kick) has been sitting lonely in the box waiting to be oohed and ahhed over and the day finally came.... tonight....

And that girls is my story...

We will talk tomorrow. Until then goodnight... I need to go cuddle with Prince Charming.

New York Shopping and DeSigual Love

For those of you who know me personally - I think you will agree that I love to shop... hee hee.  But I love to shop for stuff that is different... that not everyone will have... that makes me truly ecstatic when I find something like this.  I actually shop at a store close to here in Burlington called Joelles - that carry designer brands and unique clothing items and that is when I first came across my new favourite designer DESIGUAL  (pronounced: DeZee-Gyou-al).  The problem though is that they are a european brand and make their stuff extremely small so nothing was really flattering... until of course I came across their store in New York city!!  Be still me heart... It was love at first sight! After dragging in my girlfriends (who I think I won over as they made purchases as well)  I went shopping... and boy did I shop. 

Here are the goodies I now have in my possession - let me know what you think... to tacky... sorry... not for you?  That's OK... it is soooo me - I love it all and I love that I probably won't run into anyone with the thing!

First accessories - a purse and wallet.

Love this purse - it has a long thick strap as well so you can wear it as a cross body bag which is my favourite thing about it!  Not very expensive either!  Great buy for casual everyday running around! The leather is so soft - lots of room inside and it very slouchy - which is perfect!

I love that the change zipper on this fits my iPhone perfectly - for those times just running out and not wanting to drag my entire purse with me!  It is the softest leather EVAH!!

This scarf I fell is love with instantly - it was the first thing I picked up!!  The colours are incredible and so me!  It goes with everything!  The first thing I thought of when I saw this scarf - is OH - what a great piece for an inspiration challenge... maybe coming soon!

As for clothing I tried on so many tops and to be honest I liked about 4 of them but had to cut some stuff out so I figured since I knew I could get the shirts/tops in Canada I will go for the other stuff... but I could not resist this blouse.  It is funny - I DESPISE white blouses - actually I despise any type of button up blouse at all.  I feel so constricted in them - but again this feels like a cloud on - it is so soft and comfy... I can already see me wearing it with tights. skinny jeans. and my riding boots - LOVE!

Mine is a little more wrinkled than this photo - it has instructions to wash to keep the wrinkled look - you know - twist is all up and then tie it... the flowers are very floppy and 3d as well - my favourite part.

And last but certainly not least - the piece that I am completely head over heals in love with!  I tried on a few coats that I loved on the hanger but not so much on me and then I tried this one on and it was instantly ME!  I couldn't have designed anything that is more me if I tried to myself.  

Do you see that pattern on the pockets it is on the inside of the lapels as well so when unbuttoned the lapels fold back and you can see the pattern - it is gorgeous! The fur around the collar is removable There is also writing/embroidery on the sleeves and the back of the coat... 

Well that was enough to make the trip worth it - and now just to wait for the colder weather to actually use my coat will make the change of the seasons here more bearable!

If you want to check out more of their clothing you can visit their website HERE.  They don't have everything on the site but just a regular Google search will bring up lots of eye candy for you.

So since being home I've switched purses and wallets but its still a bit warm for the coat and such right now... the way the temp is out there tonight I don't think I have long to wait.

I have however been living in these - my other purchase that I love - and some of you may laugh - but that's ok - I'm used to it LOL!  I picked them up at Century 21 - after being drenched from rain the entire day... they are a staple in every New York Girls wardrobe - and I'm bringing them to Canada! Now I can actually look forward to rainy days.... 

A word of caution though - they look so much better in real life and when you put them on you automatically start singing Fred Astaire's Singing in the Rain very loudly... or is that just me?

Have a great night!

Oh and PS - I promise I will not wear all of this at one time... I'm not even that crazy!   

Inspiration comes in many ways.

After designing for years with kit clubs - I have come to the realization that I really miss that monthly pizza box being delivered to my door full of scrapping goodies.  With my mojo being so low lately I needed some inspiration and boy did I receive a truck load today!

First I came home to a HUGE box of goodies - full of more beautiful SEI stuff to play with for making the team this year once again! They were so generous - its unbelievable - I really wanted to drop everything and just start creating - so many ideas running through my head. It felt so good to feel inspired once again.

Second of all - as I'm sure you are all aware of by now - Doodlebug, Bella Blvd and Basic Grey all announced their teams recently and today I sat down and was just bombarded with inspiration from all of the talent out there on these teams.  My Google reader has many more feeds now - and it has been a long time since I remember feeling so inspired - just by going through all of their beautiful blogs and galleries... made the mojo come back in full force!!  It felt great to want to create once again!

As I just shared with you all - I've realized that a part of the reason why my mojo has been on vacation all summer (all be it a tiny part - but a significant enough part to justify my actions) is that I feel most inspired when I touch and feel and see product in my hands!  The manufacturers that I love the most, that inspire me the most, are very hard to find in my area lately.  I used to get all of the new releases when I was on the DT for My Scrapbook Nook (and my previous kit club DT's) - and I really miss having that box filled with the latest goodies just waiting for me to create with every month! Finally this afternoon I took the plunge and finally subbed to Studio Calico!!  I've been looking at a few kit clubs lately and what I loved most about SC (besides the obvious fact that their kits rock!) is that their shipping to Canada is only 5 to 7 days, not 2 to 3 weeks like some other clubs I've looked into!  I don't have to feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else play, while I'm still waiting for my goodies LOL! I am so excited and giddy to recieve my first kit (and the few extras that I just had to have ;) )  It's not that I NEED more supplies... have any of you SEEN my scraproom... I just need my monthly fix of scrappy goodness! It feels great to "feel" excited about scrapping once again!

Well it is late here (a little after 2:00 am) - just got home after going to see the Ti-Cats (our CFL football team) get creamed - and of course wanted to blog about my new found mojo - lets see how it transpires onto paper tomorrow.  We begin our morning with football - then off to drag hubby shopping for our trip next week - then I hope to conquer the laundry pile and lock myself in my scraproom!  I will post a pic of all of my SEI goodies as well to share and anything that I create too!

Thanks for listening to my ramblings!  Mwah!

A Saturday Thought....

via teresacollins.typepad.com

I saw this on Teresa Collins Blog today and I absolutely loved it.... I wanted to share with you all.

Have a great weekend!

Continuing...

  
Thank you everyone who commented - sent me emails - and reached out with your condolences to me - It truely means more than I can say.  I could tell you that life is getting back to normal - but the last week has been tough.  We had our private family gathering yesterday at the cemetery and although it will put a little bit of closure to the loss - I think we are all still walking around in a fog... but I'm positive that as time passes tears will replaced by laughter once again.

However, as hard as it may be - life must go on... we have a business to run... the kids are back to school next week, which brings me to school supplies and new wardrobe shopping.  Not to mention squeezing the time in somewhere for a disinfecting and organizing of their rooms!! LOL!! ( You mom's of teenage boys I'm sure can relate!) The last month or so has definitely found me behind on my household chores... laundry, etc.  It will take time.... It will all get done eventually!

OK so hmmm what else is new?  Well nothing and quite a bit all at the same time!  I have some exciting scrappy news to share very soon.... I will post it here when I can!  Sunday was our firstfootball game of the season (exhibition) and I am so proud of the kids and the team.  I was really happyt that I got to get my camera out and start shooting again... it is always fun... the parents appreciate it.. and the kids must like them too cause they are posted all over face-book LOL!!  I think I've taken half of the profiles that these kids are using... which makes me happy that I can do it for them.  For any of you photographers out there... I would love some feedback on them... they certainly are not the greatest... I'm having a real hard time with focus... it is focusing on the background and blurring out the players... gr-rr.. frustrating... any suggestions??  You can take a peak at them HERE

Well I am at work now.... shhh... don't let hubby know I'm posting.... I will try and sneak back on this afternoon and post my mini album that was shown last week on the SEI blog!

Hugs...

 

 

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, Smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that is always was.
|Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

 I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner

All is well.

~Henry Scott Holland~ 

Sadly this morning - the world lost a wonderful man.  My father in law lost his battle with Amyloidosis - a rare illness that most have never even heard of, including myself up until a short time ago.  He was a strong man, a family man, someone who made us laugh, my husbands best friend, a role model for my sons.  I can't believe that he has been taken at such a young age... he was liked by everyone... we still had so much to learn from him. He still had so much love to give. 

I am sorry for being so quiet this last little while... but everything has moved so fast and I have just needed to be with my family during this difficult time.  My heart is broken for my husband, my mother in law, my children and especially for his mother.  No mother should ever have to say goodbye to their own child... it is not fair.  

Dad would certainly not want us to dwell on our loss and to continue on with our lives - but it just isn't right that he isn't here to share it with us. To say we will miss him doesn't even begin to cover how our lives will be affected. Who will we call for advise?  Who will Jared make laugh with his antics?  Who will hold my mother in law's hand?  Life just doesn't make sense sometimes.  

 

The family is asking for donation to The Canadian Amyloidosis Support Network in hopes that somewhere down the road... a cure will be found... doctors will become more educated on this desease... diagnosis will become quicker...  and others can be spared from having to feel this sadness.

Hugs to you all...

 

 

Hi....

Well its July and I finally feel like summer is here and starting.  We had a Canada Day Party this past weekend and since I've been living in a mental fog the last few months... it was so nice to relax, laugh, enjoy old and new friendships, and just plain live life again like it once was.

I keep saying things will be normal in a few days... like I have caught my breath... only to have something else come along.  Lots of things seem to be changing at a furious pace... little things... day to day things that you don't realize how much you cherish them until they have been put on the back burner or replaced by other more important details of life.  I found myself yesterday with a day off... and I was completely lost on what to do.  I was exhausted and so I anticipated relaxing in the pool, reading a good book, and envisioning a day of bliss and self pampering.  Instead the landscapers showed up and worked in the yard (no pool for me), I finished my book the night before (and yet to make it to the bookstore) and my oldest had 4 friends over to occupy the television.... HA.. so much for bliss!  So instead I searched and researched some possible vacation destinations for our non-existent summer holidays coming up.  Where to go?  Close? Far? Something that both kids will enjoy.... call me picky but finding a vacation suitable for the entire family is challenging without taking out a second mortgage on the home... I will find something... I'm determined...

As silly as it may sound... this leads me to another huge area in my life for the last few months and that is the "Battle of the Bulge" as it is commonly referred to. How did I get from vacation to weight loss... well in my mind it goes like this... 

• need a vacationa
• adked to go away last minute
• GASP I've yet to put on a bathing suit this year
• take out my summer clothes
• nothing fits
• sad, depressed,
• how did I get HERE again!!

... so there you have it... a look inside my teensy brain and how it works LOL!!

A also spent some time yesterday catching up on some of my favourite blogs and the 629 entries I have in my blog reader. NOTHING has resonated with me more than reading Cathy Zielski's entries on her Move More, Eat Less Journey:  She writes:

"I’m also trying to wrap my head around the idea that maybe this is as good as it gets, that I’m not going to be thin like my sister-in-laws, or people who seem to not struggle with food and the like. I’m struggling with why that’s not okay for me. There is absolutely a psychological component to this process that occasionally throws me for a loop. I’m 45 years old and I have to wonder how much more precious time I’m going to lose obsessing over something that in the larger scheme of life, just shouldn’t matter this much. Again, a work in progress." 

That was taken from her post Move More East Less July 2011 , and then as I was reading further this came and gave me lots to think about.... from her post As Good As it Gets 

"Common sense hit me right between the eyes, as much as I tried to dodge the shot: this body of mine, with it's dimples and muffin-topped midsection, is Ground Zero for my entire life experience. All the good. All the bad. All the ordinary. All the magical.

How does having a flat stomach really add or detract from an entire lifetime of experience?

Like many of you, I struggle with figuring out how to be enough. Sometimes it seems the physical housing takes such a precedent and seems to erase some of the joy to be found in the simple act of living.

I fight against this nearly every day.

Some days, I look in the mirror and there's a really cute 40-something lady looking back at me, and I think, "Oh, there you are."

It is comforting and reassuring to know that I am not the only one who feels/thinks this way. I have to admit when I read her blog posts I sometimes get spooked at how closely she interprets my feelings.  The obsession of the scale is too much a part of my life... or rather I'm making it too much.  In all honesty its not the numbers for me.. its how I feel... and recently that is absolutely awful.  I've stopped with everything healthy in my life lately and I can feel it... I ache, my back hurts, and I am scared as hell that this is the one body I've been given and often wonder WHY am I abusing it this way?  I have recently been reminded again that life is so short.... no one is safe from illness... the people who live the healthiest of lifestyles can suddenly find themselves in poor health that no one seen coming. I do believe our lives are ultimately controlled by fate (or something not in our control).... but we can control our journey along the way towards our fate... whether we want to live in health or in blah-ness (how I feel).  Over the last months I've been going to boot camp....thinking that the weight would melt off... frustrated by the scale still not moving  in a downward direction... it becomes downright depressing when I take out my clothes from last summer and my shorts somehow shrunk a few sizes while in storage....  how does that hpappen?? I am not vain enough to want my 21 year old body back... or should I say I'm not insane enough to even think that is even a possibility... but I am smart enough to know that, potatoe chips, hamburgs and a quick trip through the drive-thru for dinner is not supporting the healthy lifestyle I so desperately need and want.  What is making me even more sad and upset is that I am passing this on to my kids... I can see the bad habits they are picking up... I am paranoid that they need some healthy fuel for their bodies... but it is a struggle when they are hanging out with their friends all hours and I don't remember the 4 of us have sat down together for a family meal... it is my number one priority... get back on track... get on a routine... and just take in one day at a time....or even one meal at a time.  I have the entire summer to try... baby steps... wish me  luck... 

 
 

Renovations, Recovery and Reality

Well... no matter how hard I try these days... anything creative is very much a dream.  For the last 15 years I've worked part time and these last few months working full time - and our business being so crazy busy, my world has been turned upside down... the house needs vacuuming, the bottomless laundry baskets, the empty cupboards, and the mountains of paper work are still screaming my name...  Scrapbooking, blog reading, and TV watching are pretty much a thing of the past currently... but Im hoping that with the kids out of school - things will settle back into a routine soon.

Our backyard renovations are complete... or almost.  I am so happy with the results.  We worked our butts off the last few days - cleaning, cutting, clipping and creating our outdoor oasis.  We finally have our outdoor kitchen complete... its my favourite room in the house currently.  I promise to post photo's as soon as I take them.  The space will be Christened this weekend with our annual Canada Day Party.  I'm soooo looking forward to it... Good friends, Good food, Good times! Still waiting for the landscapers to come back and do the finishing touches... I have a feeling I'll be waiting a while... so in the meantime I'm just enjoying the space.

Came down with another case of sinus infection... hit fast and hard... and then the medication they gave me was making me even more sick.... finally starting to feel better... and just in time to start our football season! I miss being on the field - talking to the kids and the parents and just watching Jared play.  Unfortunately this season may not continue for very long... he has hurt his knee and he has been referred to a Pediatric Orthopedic Specialist... I'm praying that everything is OK and that there is no permanent damage. Probably won't know too much until he has his MRI.

In other news, sadly we are dealing with more sickness in the family.  My FIL has been in the hospital now for a week.... the good news is that we now finally have a diagnosis... now just waiting for the doctors to give us more information... and we will play the hand we are dealt. 

Year end is finally wrapped up at work - but I have a strong feeling that I am going to be bombarded with paper work once more after our wonderful postal strike is over.  The good news is that with the kids out of school - I will be going back to part time.... which should enable me to get caught up... or at least enjoy my summer a bit more.

Well that just about sums up my last few weeks or so.... I miss you all... I miss scrapbooking so much... Im still waiting for my DT box from Momenta - and I still have some awesome sneaks to show you from SEI.  I also have some assignments to do this week so lets hope that the stars align and I am able to whip out a creation or two and find a spare few hours.... who needs sleep anyway!

Until next time....

Today and Tomorrow....

are just like any other of the 365 days of the year... the difference being - these are the days that my darling husband and I were born.  Yup today - 44 years ago - the world truly became a better place - and then I followed him 366 days later....

As we become older birthdays are something that we tend to just want to forget about... or I do anyways... LOL!  I am a believer that age is only a number... its how you act and live your life that is your true age... this forever holds me at 21 in my mind LOL!!

I'm off to work this morning and I think I will take my this wonderful man out for lunch... maybe tonight or tomorrow we will take the kids out for dinner.  At the very least I will stop and grab an ice cream cake so we can sign happy birthday to him... he deserves to be sung happy birthday too.  For both of us these few days bring mixed emotions. Its sad that past events have rooted themselves into 2 days that are supposed to be happy and celebratory. I feel so bad for my husband - he deserves better.  I can see how much he tries to hide it but I've known this man for more than half of my life and I know when he has been hurt.  I can't pretend like these two days don't exist .... cause if our birthdays didn't exist... that means that he doesn't exist... and as mushy as it may sound... my life is entirely about him... he is my strength... my confidant... the ying to my yang... my best friend in the world... and definitely my soul mate. I sometimes become overwhelmed with fear thinking about what my life would be without him. No one makes me laugh like him and no one even comes close to understanding me like he does. So for now we will go about the next few day like any other day... and just be thankful that we've made it to see the number go up once again! 

More than anything else in the world all I want is for him to have a Happy Birthday!  I love you with all of my heart...and thank you so much for being our everything...